It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
