Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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