I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
