she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
