Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
