I wish I could punch you in the face.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
