you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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