I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
