It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
