I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
