FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
