Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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