Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
