Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
