So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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