Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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