And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
