In the future we'll all be gay
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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