love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
