I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
