I hope mine doesn't look like that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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