Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
