Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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