I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
