Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
