His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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