OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
