forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
