I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
