i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
