I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
