Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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