for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
