Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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