I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
