he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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