She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
