I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
