I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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