why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
