I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
