After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
