I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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