He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
