hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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