Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
