I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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