She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a beard to bite.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
