Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
