My hand turned me down
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
