I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize