i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
