Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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