but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
