oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
