tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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