Fine. I'll sleep in my office
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it