Texts From Last Night

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  (806): View more from Texas

  a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work

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  (806): a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work http://tfl.nu/5pwl
  Replies (19) Good night (1034) Bad night (4195)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

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  (701): that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon http://tfl.nu/7qfo
  Replies (20) Good night (3489) Bad night (884)
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.

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  (445): My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment. http://tfl.nu/kvle
  Replies (5) Good night (1609) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is

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  (610): I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is http://tfl.nu/18uv
  Replies (8) Good night (1734) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again

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  (704): Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again http://tfl.nu/mnjw
  Replies (5) Good night (1353) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong

  (813): View more from Florida

  Thats admirable.

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  (719): he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong (813): Thats admirable. http://tfl.nu/7e4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1492) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina

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  (540): Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina http://tfl.nu/3vzn
  Replies (2) Good night (1158) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  You rock my world.

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  (417): I just smoked weed out of a baked potato. (309): You rock my world. http://tfl.nu/p2ud
  Replies (4) Good night (1043) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.

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  (732): Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit. http://tfl.nu/pssm
  Replies (2) Good night (941) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here

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  (219): Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here http://tfl.nu/huzw
  Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Still. Make it happen

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  (215): Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both" (1-215): Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen. (1-215): Still. Make it happen http://tfl.nu/b78c
  Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made

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  (859): Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made http://tfl.nu/odg4
  Replies (5) Good night (1125) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.

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  (702): I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs. http://tfl.nu/2t39
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (435)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...

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  (803): sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job... http://tfl.nu/rvys
  Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?

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  (763): Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth? http://tfl.nu/20vv
  Replies (4) Good night (298) Bad night (230)

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