if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.