woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This baby is an asshole
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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