found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
