Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
