no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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