it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
