I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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