woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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