the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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