i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
