just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
