So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
