3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My liver just had a heart attack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
