Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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