I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize