Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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